HELP!!!
My parents are trying to arrange my marriage.....now if you'll have stopped rolling your eyes you may continue reading. As I was saying, my parents have been looking for a boy for me for quite a while. Now you may be wondering if i'm ok with an arranged marriage. The answer is I am ok. Seriously. I was not ok with it for a long long time, but I have in the last year seen a few girl friends of mine have arranged marriages including Adeona and it has turned out so well for them, that I finally told my folks that I was ready. Now let me tell all of you who havent experienced this that it is REALLY DIFFICULT to find a decent guy from a decent family who lives in India. The matrimonial sites are hilarious. There was one guy whose only condition was that the girl MUST love dogs. He said it like 3 times in different places. THE GIRL MUST LOVE DOGS! Seriously you must love this guy. As for me I do love dogs, but not so crazy about dof obsessed guys. Then there was this other guy whose profile says..."i am an soft nature"......sorry but I didnt read beyond that! If at any time you find yourself completely bored with nothing to do, my suggestion would be for you'll to browse through a matrimonial site. Its a complete riot, I tell u!!!
So anyways last week, a guy mailed my parents saying he had seen my profile and had found it to be interesting. Before I continue, I must tell you that previous such interests have been shown to be by my parents and I have rejected it on the following counts [ Disclaimer : I'm going to come out of this looking very shallow and superficial :) ]
1) Too short
2) Earns less than me
3) He says "Everybody are" instead of " Everybody is"
4) Lives in some small town
5) Lives abroad
6) Doesnt read
7) Too boring
8) Too boring looking
9) Not a post graduate
10) NO SENSE OF HUMOR
So when my parents told me that there was a guy who had showed interest, I was sure he would fall somewhere in the above categories. But he did not. He is very smart. He has studied in some of the best institutes in the country. He is tall. He earns twice as much as I do. He lives in one of the best cities in the country, which is not far away from where I stay. He reads. A lot. He looks decent. He says "everybody is". He comes from a very decent family or "cultured" as my mom says. I have spoken to him and he seems very decent and sweet. I even met him.
But I felt nothing. I know I cant possibly feel anything on meeting someone for the first time. But I felt absolutely nothing that I dont even want to take this forward. I always thought that you would know it when you met the right person. Somewhere deep down you know. But i'm not sure now. My parents said they understand that I cant say anything now and so have asked me to meet him again. But I'm unsure. I can tell that he and his folks are very interested. I'm afraid that if I meet him again it will be miscontrued as interest on my part. On the other hand I'm worried that I'll be making a mistake by not giving it a chnace. What if i'm wrong? What if you dont feel anything for a long time and you slowly develop feelings for someone. In that case what if I say yes and I never develop feelings for him? In an arranged marriage scenario once you have said yes there is no going back. You will be hurting a lot of people if that happens. You also dont get too much time to decide in an arranged marriage. His parents have put no pressure at all on us but I know that after our next meeting we will have to decide. BUT I CANT!!!! I"M FREAKING OUT!!!....Can somebody who has had an arranged marriage please help!
For this reason i'm opening up my blog to the public again. So if any of you'll have friends who have had aaranged marriages, pls get them to leave a comment.
9 comments:
Well, I am not experienced but placing myself in the shoes of the guy I can give you some advice.
1. First is open your heart. Let it free. It would help you take decisions from the mind.
2. The best thing is you did not find anything negative on all the parameters that you listed.
3. Find out if you share any hobbies. Most companionship is increased with greater time spent together.
But eventually trying to make it work is the main thing. So once you take the plunge abide by it.
Anyways, better advice is given by people who have undergone the experience.
Suchintya
Hiya!! thought I'd come by...honestly speaking, I'm not very familiar with arranged marriages (I have always opposed them) BUT I do have friends going through them or have.
First of all - it's always good to know that you're ok with it. I have seen too many forced marriages for the sake of getting married and I'd hate that to happen.
Secondly, you need to give it a chance. Even when you date someone, you can never tell on the first date whether they The One (hehe well rarely lol). If you make the conditions clear - that you want to get to know him - as a friend - then I don't see any problem with meeting again.
Find out more about him. The more you know, the more you have to base your decision on. Don't ever think that by meeting someone you're going to give false interest - when you make any major decision in your life, you need all the facts and details, and this is a matter of your life. No small deal here.
See what you have in common, what you don't and if yours and his parents are ok with it - just take it slow and "date". Make it clear to his parents that 2 meeting isn't enough to decide your future and their reaction will tell u a lot about what kind of family and what kind of person he is.
LOL - hope that helps. It's just my two cents anyways :)
That's freaked me out too!I know what my next post will be all about..hey! i really donno how best to answer this one..cause i always felt arranged marriages are such a gamble.
Can't you guys date for few mnths...okok what i meant was that getting to know each other phase...But phlzzzzzzz just dont decide your future in just 2 meetings.Nothin get can riskier than that...God forbid, you shudn't have that regret later in life ever that you blindly considered what came your way.
So my call is meet as many times as possible, talk talk talk, test him in ways (you know how gals can do that thru words ;))...and leave the rest to God...If it has to happen it will, then no force on this earth can stop.But before commitin to what maybe destined or not...put him & yourself through testing waters. Love & Luck.....
@Suchintya : Will try to follow ur advise. Thanks
@Silvara: Thanks for stoppin by!Like you said I am plannin to take it slow.....but my slow is reaaaaalllllllyy slow!
@Annie: Sigh!Arranged marriages are such a gamble are'nt they. I keep thinkin i'm ok with it, but when push comes to shove, I freak out completely!
Hey, there is no harm in asking for a little time. Just tell your parents and his that you want to get to know the guy a little better before deciding. These days nobody gets offended by that, nor if you say no after a couple of weeks or so. After all, it is the rest of your life we are talking about. Psssst... good luck, I hope this guy works out for you :)
@prashanth: You hope this guy works out for me? Too much pressure :). Hope you had a good flight. Will mail you soon :)
Whats the latest on this front?
What's wrong with living abroad? If you're worth it, I'll move back to Motherland.
@anon: Sir, the question is, are YOU are worth it!
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