Being a twenty something...

Life is most complicated when you are in your twenties.Whoever said teenage years were difficult obviously didnt live through his twenties.

It is when you are in your twenties when you realize who your best friends are. It is actually when you are in your twenties when you realize the meaning of a best friend. And it is when you are in your twenties when your best friend lives half way across the globe.

When your heart was broken during your teens, it hurt but you knew that in time you would be fine and in time you would meet someone else. But when your heart is broken during your twenties you are baffled, cos this was not supposed to happen. This was not how you planned things. When you were in your twenties you were supposed to have met 'the one'. Now suddenly theres noone even close to that in your life and having to go through the whole tirade of meeting someone new, dating and gettin to know each other is exhausting to even think about.

You worked your entire 20 odd years in your life to get your dream job. You chose the subjects you needed to study and you burnt the midnight oil and went through the nightmarish time of exams during school and college, just to ensure that you landed that perfect job. And you realize that your job is not even close to what you dreamt about and now its too late to change anything.

It is in your twenties when existential agnst become a part of everyday parlance. It is in your twenties when you face your biggest fears. It is in your twenties when you have to battle lonliness.It is in your twenties that you hear someone say 'Life is unfair' and it cuts like a knife through you. It is in our twenties when you know that everyone considers you to be a grown up but it scares the shit outta you cos you dont feel grown up at all, like you have been thrown into this world of adults way before you were even remotely ready for it.

But for some strange reason we all still seem to hold on to our twenties dreading that day when you turn thirty.All this being said you'll can be rest assured that I'll be kicking and screaming when I turn thirty, which by the way is in the distant future or so I like to think!!!

She looked into his deep brown eyes,
As the distance seemed to grow.
Begging him to come back to her,
She tried to hold his gaze with hers,
Her eyes welling up with each passing minute,
But the impassive expression on his face remained,
The distant look and the slight smile.
And as the tears, she tried so hard to hold, fell
She took one last look and put his picture back into the dusty shelf.

This blog writers b'day is coming. Tommorrow infact. She is quite proud of the way she has been handling it so far. Usually she is depressed for an entire week before the b'day, but now it is more a feeling of numbness. Needless to say this has been a bitch of a year. She is hoping that the next year will be better, much better.She would like to give a recap on the year gone by, but has decided against it. She does not want to impose on her readers the tragic saga that would beat any hindi soap minus of course the good clothes and makeup.

On other news we have your blog writer deciding on the appropriate reaction to Pacific Guys call, which he will to wish her.

1) Do not answer.
2) Answer and abuse as much as possible.
3) Answer and be extra casual like he is somebody who is just an aquaintance.
4) Answer and keep it really short
PG: happy b'day
T : Thanks
PG: so how have u been
T : Fine, and u?
PG: good
T : Ok then. Will catch u later. Click.
5) Answer and talk as you normally would.

Readers are requested to provide their inputs. Also note, that option 5 should not be recommended under any circumstance.

Presenting the Past....

Yesterday I went for a school friends' wedding. Met up with quite a few of my classmates from school at the wedding reception. Some of us are meeting after 8 years. We laughed over old memories, memories that I did not even know existed. When I saw those faces from the past, the memories suddenly surfaced, from the deepest crevices of my mind.

School was great. I was oh so Poh-puh-lar in school. I topped my class most of time. I won several prizes during the sports day. I was always in the school play. My boyfriend, whom I was seeing since grade 9 through the end of school, was the six footer school captain. The teachers loved me. I had so many suitors I lost count. I was never alone at school. At any given point I was surrounded by people. And so yesterday, when I was among those same people for a few hours, it took me back, back to being wanted and envied. All the stories we talked about had me. As we bade goodbye, we promised to meet each other more often. Most of us since school have met people who have become more important in our lives. And so when we met yesterday, it was a reminder, that once upon a time these people were our world.

As I was driving back home, I thought about how our lives seemed so complex then, yet in such a simple way. I thought about my then boyfriend, who adored me, whose whole world revolved around me, who wrote me poetry and said I inspired him to, and most of all I thought about how much for granted I took all that. I just assumed that boys would all be like that. That they were made just to make us happy. I realised later, much later, how my taking him for granted must have hurt him. I have often thought that maybe God sent Pacific Guy into my life to jerk me into reality. Pacific Guy was the exact opposite of PoetBoy. It was I who adored PG. It was MY world that revolved around his and it was HE who took me for granted and it hurt. It hurt cos after 6 years of breaking up with PoetBoy, I was gettin a taste of my own medicine and I hated it.

The drive back to my home was late in the night and there was a slight drizzle. The whether was perfect, just the way I like it. But my life is far from perfect. I was leaving that perfect past and driving towards the present, a present where loneliness has become a part of my life and where the job i've always wanted is killing me.

Most people run away from the past. I wish I could run back to it and never return.