Revenge is sweet...

or that is what I have believed all my life. When I have really disliked someone, I have often fantasized about doing bad things to them or hoping that something bad would happen to them. That doesnt mean I'm planning murder. I mean simple things like they would do a test badly for example. Of course I never acted on this, but fondly played them out in my head. But there were very few people I have genuinely hated, so this didnt happen too often. Maybe through all my student life there were about 3 people for whom I felt this way. Then there soon came another category of people on whom I seeked revenge. These were the people who hurt me really deeply. They hurt me, so I hurt them back. When poet boy hurt me way back when I was only 17, I hurt him back. I would be as mean as possible to him and never had anything nice to say to him. He tried for a long time and finally I had just pushed him so far, that he gave up. And when he we broke up he didnt not have to feel any guilt cos I had hurt him back equally if not more. And it felt good.

And so whenever people asked me if I believed in revenge, I have nodded in the affirmative.

But I dont know if its because of age, or if I have become weaker or maybe because the ability to love someone has increased infinitely in the last decade, revenge does not seem sweet anymore. Pacific Guy hurt me more than anyone else has and for a long time all I wanted to do was hurt him back, to show him that I didnt care, that I did not want anything to do with him. The words come easily to me, but I hold back. For everything he says I have a comeback, one that would hurt,but instead I stop myself. I feel incapable of hurting him. Something inside doesnt allow me to. And all this pent up feelings I would imagine would make me feel frustrated, but for some strange reason I, instead feel at peace. When on those rare occasions I am really rude, it doesnt feel good at all. Far from it.

And it feels so strange and confusing. Shouldnt I hate the person who broke me? Shouldnt I want to break him too?

Revenge is bitter.....I have learnt that...But why am I not bitter?

Ok people! As you'll can see, if you have been paying attention to the right hand side of my blog, I havent read a book in the longest time. All I have been reading is Asterix, Asterix and more Asterix. Can you'll pls recommend some good books to read. No romance and no science fiction please.

Faaaaaaaast!

Saawariya

By the way, I saw Saawariya on Friday.

No, I'm not going to do a review of the movie, cos that would mean having to relieve the experience of watching the movie.

So I have only one word for the movie : Excrutiating

Please do not watch it.

No. Not even to see how bad it is.

If inspite of this you are going to watch it, dont say I didnt warn you'll!

Its a beautiful November afternoon. My computer is near the window and the breeze is flowing into my room in the most awesome manner. I havent posted in a long time, but that doesnt mean I have been upto nothing.

A lot has been happening including at the work front. From the time I joined this place I have been waiting for a promotion and when it came it didnt feel like much at all. In fact I felt absolutely nothing when I was given the news. Along with the promotion comes a very challenging role with a much bigger team. I know I must be thrilled. I dont understand this.

Pacific guy and I have started speaking. It started a few days after my bday. and ever since we have been speaking almost everyday. Its not like anything is going to happen. We both know that and its not like any of us want anything to happen. When I started talking to him I promised myself I wouldnt let myself get hurt and I think I have succeded. I mean, he has even told me that he regrets not having commited to Adeona. Ok it cut like a knife when I heard him say that but I recovered quickly. He even tells me sometimes that he is depressed and when I ask why, he says its cos he misses her. Again it cuts like a knife but I think I'm beggining to get immune to the pain.

I know you'll must be wondering why I'm talking to him. I know I would if I were reading this. I know I would consider me to be pretty brainless to be doing this, but really I'm not that stupid, atleast when it comes to such things. I mean I did stop talking to him for almost a year and I started only cos I thought I was over him and I can handle it. And I'm handling it, I think. I doubt he can hurt me. But then I wonder sometimes how inspite of nothing really changing in my life, I seem to have suddenly found happiness in the last 2 months. And then I'm not so sure anymore.