I'm Tired

I'm tired of feeling insignificant.
I'm tired of being a noone.
I'm tired of not meaning anything to anyone.
I'm tired of being hurt.
I'm tired of hating my job.
I'm tired of feeling guilty.
I'm tired of wanting to be wanted.
I'm tired of being mediocre.
I'm tired of being unlucky.
I'm tired of losing the people I love.
I'm tired of nothing good ever hapenning.
I'm tired of my prayers going unanswered.
I'm tired of waking up every morning.
I'm tired of life.

The phones are ringing,
The fax machines crying,
The musics playing,
The voices are loud,
Laughter surrounds.

My minds wandering,
To the times of togetherness.
When laughter came from within.
From a long time ago I come back to the present
A present filled with sounds of silence.

"Happy" Birthday?

So the other day I was driving back from work when the radio started playing Bryan Adams' "18 Till I Die". Now you should understand that I can totally relate to this song cos I belong to this breed of people who dread birthdays (only mine....I love my friends's birthdays....wat the heck...I like cake!) .....The run up to my birthday usually has me moping around the place whining about how old I am and how I have done nothing with my life. My depression and frustration reaches its high on the actual morning of my birthday when people wish me with their happy faces (which I construe is because they are secretly jubilous bout me becoming one year older!) and it takes all my strength to not punch someone. Now the worst part is when I'm in all my mourning over the loss of my previous year and some moron asks me for a treat. TREAT!!!! U WANNA TREAT!!! I'M ONE STEP CLOSER TO MY GRAVE AND THATS REASON TO CELEBRATE!!! By this time I've decided that I have the patience of a saint to have gone through half the day surrounded by such insensitive jerks and not used violence once. Thankfully I cheer up considerably in the evening cos somehow my friends have managed the suprise party (Yes there is always cake!)....and me having been blinded by sorrow have always been "suprised" although on thinking back the clues were all there. They truly need to get better at organizing suprise parties. So this has been my birthday story every year since I turned 21, up until my last birthday when I turned 25.

Coming back to the present, me in my car, listening to "18 till I die", I started thinking of how my life was when I was 18. I was studying B.Com, which was a nightmare, I had no money. I had no car. I had no idea what I would become, where and If I would do my PG, what sort of a job I would have. I remembered distinctly how worried I was at 18 about my future, how not confident I was. Then I thought about how my life is now. I have money. I have a job. I have people reporting into me at work (Yipee! I actually get to boss people around). I have a car. I have many more friends and have much more fun and I most certainly dont have a curfew. Then it hit me, after all these years of wishing I was 18, that I hated being 18. I love my life now, ok maybe not love (my boss's face just flashed by) but definately like it more now and would not trade it for any other stage in my life. So what if it took me more than 4 years to figure that out. The point is I finally did. So I'm hoping that my 26th birthday will be different, that I wont want to punch anyone and who knows I may actually take the jerks out for lunch.

Dear God

As mysterious as your ways may be, to me they seem crystal clear!

To My Best Friend

You are my friend,
And I'm yours.
We learnt together
And together we unlearnt.
You are more than I could ask for,
Even when I asked for a lot.
You were there when I needed you,
You were there when I didnt
Its you I call,
Whether sick, blue or happy.
Its you I call,
At all times.
You are my best friend,
And that is why its so hard,
To tell you, that I havent been yours,
That I shouldnt be yours,
That you deserve better,
Cos I've let you down,
And if ever I summon the courage
To tell you the truth,
Of all that I've been hiding
And if ever I summon the courage,
To show who I really am
That day I shall lose you
That day forever.

Nothing but Love

I have no soul.
I have no pride.
I have no faith.
There is no truth.

I have no will.
I'm emptier still.
I want to hate.
Yes, I must hate.

You took them all.
You left me with nothing.
I want to hate, I know I must.
So why did u leave me, my love for you?

So far...

I have been using live journal but a friend recommended blogspot since it has better features.
My blog on live journal can be read at http://soundsnsilence.livejournal.com/. And so at blogspot I continue from where I left at Live Journal.