Presenting the Past....

Yesterday I went for a school friends' wedding. Met up with quite a few of my classmates from school at the wedding reception. Some of us are meeting after 8 years. We laughed over old memories, memories that I did not even know existed. When I saw those faces from the past, the memories suddenly surfaced, from the deepest crevices of my mind.

School was great. I was oh so Poh-puh-lar in school. I topped my class most of time. I won several prizes during the sports day. I was always in the school play. My boyfriend, whom I was seeing since grade 9 through the end of school, was the six footer school captain. The teachers loved me. I had so many suitors I lost count. I was never alone at school. At any given point I was surrounded by people. And so yesterday, when I was among those same people for a few hours, it took me back, back to being wanted and envied. All the stories we talked about had me. As we bade goodbye, we promised to meet each other more often. Most of us since school have met people who have become more important in our lives. And so when we met yesterday, it was a reminder, that once upon a time these people were our world.

As I was driving back home, I thought about how our lives seemed so complex then, yet in such a simple way. I thought about my then boyfriend, who adored me, whose whole world revolved around me, who wrote me poetry and said I inspired him to, and most of all I thought about how much for granted I took all that. I just assumed that boys would all be like that. That they were made just to make us happy. I realised later, much later, how my taking him for granted must have hurt him. I have often thought that maybe God sent Pacific Guy into my life to jerk me into reality. Pacific Guy was the exact opposite of PoetBoy. It was I who adored PG. It was MY world that revolved around his and it was HE who took me for granted and it hurt. It hurt cos after 6 years of breaking up with PoetBoy, I was gettin a taste of my own medicine and I hated it.

The drive back to my home was late in the night and there was a slight drizzle. The whether was perfect, just the way I like it. But my life is far from perfect. I was leaving that perfect past and driving towards the present, a present where loneliness has become a part of my life and where the job i've always wanted is killing me.

Most people run away from the past. I wish I could run back to it and never return.