How much longer....?
The most frustrating thing is to see people you know who are in love, making the same mistakes as you. You want to warn them of the impending heart ache. You want to tell the ones who are ready to commit that if their guy asks for time to commit, then walk out and walk out fast cos no amount of time is going to make him commit to the relationship. I want to scream at the women and shake them into reality when I see them going around with guys who can never commit, in hopes that one day they will change their minds.
I want to tell the ones who have just broken up that things will get better. That it hurts really bad in the beginning and for months afterward, but that one day, they will have gotten over it. That, that day they will see how wrong it was in the first place and how the break up was actually the best thing that happened to them.
I want to tell them that I totally understand how much they must miss their ex's right now, but that sometime in the future the feeling of emptiness will dissappear. I want to tell them to take a look at me, that I was were they are right now, to see that I do not need him anymore, that I am happy.
I have almost walked up to people to talk to them, but then I hesitate, because on some mornings I still wake up thinking about him. There are still days that I wish I was with him, that in spite of convincing myself that he was not right for me, I still occasionally wonder if I will ever be happy with anyone else. Maybe I just need a little more time. Maybe I need a lot more time.
This morning, I got up to comfort the girl who sits on the other side of my cubicle, who has just broken up with her boyfriend. I thought I'd tell her that I understand her pain, that whatever has happened has happened for the best, that the pain will soon start fading. But what if she asks me how long it takes to get better? I could tell her, not long, but I'm scared my face will give away something she does'nt want to hear. I'm scared, because, I thought I had all the answers but turns out I have none. I'm scared for me, for her, and for everyone else who is where I am. I had started walking towards her desk, but I faltered, stopped, turned and walked back to my desk.
***written 2 days ago
4 comments:
First is never forgettable! People have to learn to live with it. The saddest part is by the time the other side realizes this, it's too late.
I live in the hope that someday, I will make someone else happy.
The happy part is it leaves a lot of empty moments that you can live just for yourself, moments of joy which you gave up just for the other. Moments you lived for the other. That extra effort that you put into something just to make it worth the other's while, now you can make it for yourself.
Getting a little philosophical, you come into this world alone and go out alone. Yes, this heart forever desires the one who can make the journey a bit more easy. This stupid foolish heart.
Go ahead and talk to her. It's not about having valuable advice to offer, or even about making her feel better. It's enough to go and say, I know how you feel. It's enough to talk about what happened, what could be and may not be, without lying to her or to yourself. It's ok if nobody figures it out, all these big annoying conundrums of the heart. It still helps to talk.
@suchintya : True first is not forgettable but the ones that come in later are'nt either....The diff between the 1st and the rest is, when u break up with the others u know that one day you'll be fine, bcos u've been through this b4 and have come out of it, even if it took u a while.
An u r rt...this foolish, foolish heart. Thanks for the comment btw :)
@ Prashanth : What you have to say is always such a help. I admire the way you see things differently, which is why I look fwd to your comments :)Maybe I will talk to her tomm. Thanks again.
Hey! I too need to know that...'how much longer'? It took me a long time to fall in love..then comin out of it will be one herculean task.A tincture of sadness does remain thinkin about those palmier days of life....
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